Outright theft

I am stealing this from The Stranger- because I feel compelled to do so. This story leaves me speechless. Thus I must share:

THURSDAY, JUNE 29 Speaking of sex-scented criminal allegations: Today brings a close to the creeptastic saga of Donald D. Thompson, the Oklahoma judge on trial this week for allegedly using a penis pump while presiding over criminal cases. Details come from the Associated Press, which characterizes the former Judge Thompson's trial as a veritable symphony of tittering and squirming, with jurors made to watch both a defense attorney and a prosecutor pantomime masturbation, while the judge's alleged penis pump remained on display before the jury box for hours at a time. But the crème de la creep came from Thompson's former court reporter Lisa Foster, who reportedly wiped away tears while describing how she traced the courtroom's unfamiliar whooshing sound directly to her boss's lap. "I was really shocked and I was kind of scared because it was so bizarre," said Foster, who testified that between 2001 and 2003 she saw Judge Thompson expose himself at least 15 times, including once when he allegedly shaved his scrotum on the bench. Foster also spoke of the horror she experienced during a trial in 2002, when the emotional testimony of a murdered toddler's grandfather was punctuated by the aforementioned whooshing sound. "[The grandfather] was getting real teary-eyed, and the judge was up there pumping on that pump," said Foster on the stand. "It was sickening." Twisting the icky knife: Court reporter's tapes from three murder trials in 2002 and 2003, played for jurors and reportedly capturing several more instances of emotional witness testimony underscored by that "rhythmic, high-pitched whoosh of air." Taking the stand in his own defense, Thompson admitted to possessing the pump and to storing it under his desk in the courtroom, but dismissed the wang-enhancement tool as a "gag gift" that he never once used and "should have thrown away." The jury, however, wasn't buying it, and today the least dignified trial in the history of the U.S. judicial system came to a close, as 59-year-old Thompson was convicted of four counts of indecent exposure, for which he was sentenced to one year in prison, fined $40,000, and required to register as a sex offender.