Wednesday, December 31, 2008

It has been a while. I needed a break. Mostly from the endless repetition of whatever is going on in my head. And with that accomplished, thanks to a change in scenery, and some remarkable displays of family friction and DRAMA, all is back to a nice, quiet normal.

So today is kind of a day for reflection. Mainly because it is that artificially generated new year eve. I consider most calendar constructs to be artifice- I really don't see much use to them- kind of like the fiction we call money. An agreed upon game of pretend, really. Like religion. But I don't really feel like going there right now. Too fraught. Had enough of that over the break. See DRAMA above.

Mundane things that have an effect: moved the computer that I write on downstairs so that I can be part of the life of the house. Moved my work station upstairs, so that when I work from home, I am more secluded. Shifted all the furniture in the living room around and now have much better flow. I can watch the squirrels in the trees and on the deck eating peanuts while I write. And while I play online.

The foot of snow that we got has pretty much left us. I am guessing that there will be another baby boom in 9 months. Not in our lives, but overall. It was bogged down here badly. The mayor of Seattle had the stupid audacity to give himself and the city's response to the storm a "B" grade. I would contest that. With under 30 snow-plows, Seattle is under equipped for any storm of merit. And for it to take over a week to dig people out is just not a "B" effort. Hell, I understand the dynamics of hills. But seriously, there is really no reason that those plows aren't getting to bare pavement when it's soft snow. I have never seen such feeble snow-removal attempts. It's rather sad, really.

Kman has another week off- he had to take 2 weeks off as the company is having some financial difficulties. The round of layoffs is still fresh, and I'm pretty sure that most of the employees there have morales in the gutter. It's a real shame. But he's cool with staying home. He has been futzing around on the computer, playing in his man cave, and overall shovelling snow.

And I have been trying to come up with some lauditory resolutions. And nothing really stands out. I was already working on stuff that needs to be done, and plan on proceeding in those areas. No, I am not saying that perfection needs no polishing. Far from it. See the artificial construct comment above. I don't see the need to all of a sudden declare new and interesting ways to change my life. I've been doing that for a while. And it appears to be working. So no real necessity for the DRAMA of brand-spanking-new resolutions.

Now I think it is time for more coffee. And maybe a light snack.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Oh, been so quiet here. Not because I lack a lot to say, perish that thought. But mostly because life on the outside got off-the-charts hectic. And it was fun, I must say, for the most part. But soon I will be breathing deeply again, and will have time to account for some of the above. Viva time off!

Monday, December 08, 2008

Started something new today. Not that I am enjoying it. Bloody well hate it. I am getting up an hour early and going to the fucking gym. It's about the only way I can make myself do the right thing, fitness-wise. And this way I have Kman as a coach getting my ass out of bed. But it sucks. And there you have it.

Last night I watched Joe Strummer: The Future is Unwritten. It was interesting as hell. I had tried to read that really, really bad bio about the man that was written recently by some hack who knew him. It was all about the hack, and very little about the man, himself. So I returned it to the library. The documentary, on the other hand, was quite a lot about the man, himself. And despite glossing over his prodigious drug use (by my standards, any wayz), I think it really captured a time and a mentality. Some of which I was very interested in experiencing, as I didn't get it the first time around. Not like a London punk scene didn't hold its charms for a Montana girl from the middle classes, but I sure as hell didn't understand fully the underlying ethos. No fucking way, man. I was too safe. Too secure. And that is not something that lends itself to being part of the scene. So yes, I had some of the clothes, which I intersperced with more moderate rocker wear. But I didn't have the anger at the same things. Mine was more personal. And more internal. Because all teenagers are angry, doncha know. Only some make music happen out of it.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

So somewhere along the line there were a few things lost. Not necessarily missed, though. Just lost. In a couple of cases certainly for the better. Like the sense of entitlement. That won't be missed. Nor will the angry uncontained outbursts. The anger still percolates, but there is editing.

What will likely be missed is the sense that anything is possible. That dreams are accessible, and that they will be easy. That is stupid, no doubt. But it does make the attempt that much more rational and desirable. Creators always say that they never would've tried if they had known how bloody difficult it would be. So that kind of ignorance is a good thing within this context.

Also to be missed is the sense of invention. That helped with trying new things. Ah, experience. My friend and foe. My teacher and my enemy. Gotta love that.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Am mostly through Malcolm Gladwell's new book, and am finding myself depressed as hell. Read it and figure out why for yourself. It's all about success. And currently, I am not up to my own standards. It happens, right?

Ah, the weight of years. Heavy, heavy. Ditto the rain and the cloud cover. Connected? Perhaps.

And there it is. Time to step away from the computer and get things done.