Playing a waiting game- don't know if I need to hit the road and attend a death watch. Am seriously hoping that it's a no. I haven't done one of those since I was a child, and that wasn't the same kind of thing. I wasn't there for the bitter end. Just close. And I knew. I've never forgotten. I likely never will, without some kind of brain trauma.

So waiting. And waiting. And hoping that it won't come to that.

In the meantime, just marking time. Wish that the concentration levels were more adapted to creating stuff- writing, other projects that are sitting on the dining table waiting for me, anything really. But no, too many nerves. Too much agitation. So it's drinking a glass (or 2- not more) sitting in front of the tv, and vegitating to HGTV. For some reason renovation shows are soothing. Not that I'm a homeowner to indulge. But it shows other people's lives, not my own. And it's creative. And I can disagree with their choices on occasion without feeling mean.

And that's pretty much a summation of my glamorous life. Waiting.

Oh, it gets better. Just when I had resigned myself to the normal course of affairs, it all changed again. Well, some of it changed. Not all. I am exaggerating.

I have a new boss. They shifted me over. Which is a shame, really, as I like my current boss an awful lot. But there you go. The new one is great too- I know her. But it'll be different. And there is apparently no significant stability in my work life for me to count on. But I am planning on leaving anyway, this just kind of confirms that I am doing the right thing.

It'll be a great job for the next person.

Had a conversation last night with a couple of old friends. It was one of those amazing conversations that wove through and around all of us, with different emphases and ideas. I haven't had one of those for a very long time. I seem to have forgotten how very smart my friends are. Mainly because I haven't spent enough time with any of them lately. Just hibernating and recovering from the attack of the pig-that-tried-to-kill-me. But there is a new sheriff in town, so to speak. When fun is offered, I will now take it. Because the alternative wasn't doing much for me, to be honest.

And we discussed Joseph Campbell, Project Management, Japanese religion, work, babies, cars, beer, and things that don't immediately come to mind. And I LIKED it.

This is not the voice I wanted to have here. I didn't intend it to go this direction. I wanted it to be something different entirely. But then things changed. And it was a natural progression. But that is more of an excuse for something that might qualify as laziness on one of my bad days. But it is also an indicator that something was lost. The words just don't come easily any more. Not to despair, but just to make the statement. Too much second guessing and too many political debates. Internalized. And criticized.

Enough already. Nobody should think I am miserable. Because that is not the point. But overwhelming happiness? Forget about it.