Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It's been a long time since I've been up in the middle of the night writing, instead of just rolling over and going back to sleep. But tomorrow looks like it's going to be a big day. I fully expect to have plenty of time in the near future to write a lot. A lot.

I had the pleasure of getting the odd calendar request for earlyish tomorrow morning. With my manager. When I connected the dots a bit, I also discovered that the HR director is in the room. This spells one thing. I am getting laid off tomorrow morning. My spidey senses were tingling all afternoon yesterday, and believe me- if I could deny this, I would.

There are a couple of things that make this a real shitty problem to have. First off, it definitely ends the house buying process. Since it is a short sale with a few more weeks to go before their bank signs off on it, we have time to get the hell out. That appears to be necessary. Sad though. It is such a nice house.

The other really shitty issue is the whole job hunt begins again. For those of you who played along at home the last time around, I know that I'm in a much better place, but it still sucks.

The interesting thing about where I currently work (until tomorrow AM, that is), is that there hasn't been a boatload of opportunity for me to advance anyway. That is the upside of this situation. It offers me a way out and up. They have this system, see. They provide you with a level. That level determines what your pay scale is, and stock awards, and certain other HR relevant things about you. My current level (again, until tomorrow AM), is rather low. Painfully so, actually. It inhibits hiring managers from considering me for positions that I would be quite good at. Because it is too much of a leap in levels for them.

But apparently that won't be an issue for me any more.

Now, because it is almost 2:00 AM, and I consumed the better part of a bottle of wine earlier this evening, I am feeling an odd sense of calm. Not despair. Not even close. It'll be sad as hell to say goodbye to the people with whom I have been working. I really, really like them. That was the part I enjoyed, and what got me out of bed in the morning with regularity. The job itself was rather a drag in the last few months, as it had devolved into a real grind. But the people have been lovely. I hope that at least a few of them remain in my life in some capacity.

I will miss the company itself. I have enjoyed being part of the environment. It's a surprisingly creative place in many ways. Yes there are the frustrations of dealing with a bureaucracy that is more firmly entrenched and larger than most small towns in Montana, but overall I have had so many opportunities to grow that the place provided. I cannot complain about that. I can't complain about the FABULOUS benefits package that I have had for all of these years. Free medical care is something I will miss tremendously. Luckily I am pretty healthy overall.

Sadly I was also supposed to start a new fitness regimen last night, with a personal trainer and everything. Since the company paid for the health club membership, I canceled out of that right quicklike. I'll just have to do with finding the motivation within. Or something.

But overall, it will be different. I have been lying in bed thinking my way through this. I have contacted a few friends who can assist in resume crafting, and who might have leads for me in the short term. I have been mentally listing friends who I can contact after I get the official news, and get further leads.

I have avoided posting anything on Facebook about this, as the main players in this drama are all there. They don't need to know diddly squat about what I have figured out. Let them lose some sleep over this too. I like them, just fine, as I totally understand that this isn't about me personally. But I still want it to be difficult all around. Changing a person's destiny, potentially for the worse should NEVER be easy.

I keep trying to figure out if I'll cry. Not yet. And yes, the wine has worn off. All that is left is a slight tummy ache. And wakefulness. I haven't had one of these kinds of nights in a very long time.

I guess to sum it up, it'll be an adventure, no?


Anonymous said...

ah man, so sorry to hear that. i'm on the chopping block as well, but not until next June. i have no idea what i can, with your job, my "level"is too low for people to comfortably bump me to where they're hiring.


Anonymous said...

oh bummer...

so sorry - it's never fun