Don't be alarmed

This is just an observation. NOT an indication that my head is in the oven (hard to type in that position, anyway- and it's convection, which I think makes putting my head in there untenable). But I think that the bulk of my time I've spent on this planet has been from an outside observer's stance. As a rather ill-socialized (betcha that's a bloody revelation), I wasn't what you would call popular. Not to elicit pity- just the facts, M'am. Not by any conception of the word, would I call myself popular. Maybe popular amongst the paper dolls in my bedroom drawer. Or in the stuffed teddy bears in the basement playroom. But not amongst my peers.

So maybe that's part of the whole dilemna that I find myself in today. I sit in my car, drinking coffee, eating a yummy cookie (not right now- but earlier) looking at the Seattle skyline- from an outsider's standpoint. Even when I was inside the buildings I see downtown, I was an outsider- a temp. There is something not only transitional about being an outsider- but it's something that I've grown up being. And I professed to always hate it. Immensely. But lately, I have noticed that it's really not so bad, in a way. I don't mind having lots of time to myself. In fact, if I don't get enough, I get grumpy. Unless I'm on vacation- then all rules change. But I am guessing that going from being a solitary creature by necessity to being a social one isn't the easy, fun-filled leap that I had thought that it was.

And it doesn't really spell out what the problem is. Maybe I've grown too comfortable by myself. And need to re-connect. I dunno. But I just suspect that I'll be one of those solitary non-parent types who grows old and eclectic- and reads a lot, and becomes set in a routine- and who fits fewer and fewer people into that routine. That's not really who I want to be- but it seems to be the pattern that's emerging. Thank God (or whomever) for Kenga- he's the antidote to that reclusiveness. I'm by far the better correspondent to distant friends of the two of us- but I would never leave the house if he wasn't around to prompt me. I consider him a good influence.