And rather than be cool about it and just scan and post the damned thing, I think I'll just talk about it. Because I feel like rolling that way today. Welcome to my hell. Just talking about it...
And thinking about it. All in one big mental circle jerk. We do si do in this direction, then when the caller says, we change directions, and go in the other direction. And the thoughts remain the same.
The picture today- there is a playground. It's winter, but no snow on the ground. Only the cold. And the clouds of breath above the children. They're not playing. Not the older ones. Who cares what the younger ones are doing. They don't count here. The older ones are bunched up in a couple of groups. They are plotting. There is a war. One group of girls versus the other. Because someone said something about someone and something happened...and fuck it. None of that matters. What matters is that these girls want to feel angry and vindictive.
Why can we see them like this? Well, our observer stands outside it all. Quite deliberately. Not by her choice, mind you. They have chosen. And she has been shut out. That's just the way it is.
The girls circle. And they rant. And they spew venom. It's the way it is.
And the watcher desperately wants to be part of one of the groups. But she can't. Even with the intervention of a well-meaning teacher. Because that never works. And there will always be a reason to push down the loser. Because the taint of losing is infectious. At that age.
Why bring this up now? To explain away the feeling of not belonging. And why it matters sometimes. With perspective comes acceptance, right? Welllllll....not really. With perspective comes....perspective. And the idea that despite the clicking in of old hurt and old whatever, there is plenty around about today that negates the old crap that's dripping in the eaves of the attic. We'll call it a nice big fluffy bed of actual time. Time that has helped not necessarily heal the wounds- but provide that ....perspective...
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6 comments:
I don't want to belong.
And you're to good to belong to anyone but your confreres~~!
girls are real shitty. Whatever, the protagonsit will learn tat all those girls sucka nd that lter in life she will discover that the real cool kids listen to swans and junius and all those girls will get melanoma by tanning all the fucking time.
So mosh on my little grasshopper, mosh on.
"I cannot be like other people
other people can be like other people"
--El Charolastra
Now see, this is why I keep coming back for more. I'm feeling the love, people!
i love this amalgamation of men, up above me. this is a good gang. come hang w/Bwana and Bwana Jr. and me. Bring K man, of course. I'll even indulge you some F1 talk if you indulge me NO TALK for a chunk of time.
No talkie.
Just drinkie.
No kidding! I was serious when I said I feel the love! And I really do appreciate it. Let's hear if for the boys! A round of very good, and rather expensive beer for the lot of ye! I'm paying- catch me while I have a job!
And asking me to be quiet is a hard thing- I tend to be...energetic in my conversations. But for you, I would definately zip it for a while. Or die in the attempt! Now Kbot is another story entirely...he's a regular Chatty Cathy.
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