And another one from the vaults

I'm so chock full o stories this week that I amaze even myself. Today I shall discuss the parable of "Why you should always lock the door to your apartment at night."

So, Spouse and I were newly united back in the day, and we had been involved in a riotous party. Brian, Spouse's roommate had invited the kind of scary neighbor guy up to join in the festivities. He brought along a Bon Jovi tape.

Then they all went down town, and we went to Tidyman's for toilet paper. We came back, and the floor in the bathroom was awash- while we were gone, before they left, there had been some honey flinging. Then hair washing. And the tiles from the bathroom floor peeled up. But this happened later.

So, we are quietly setting the apartment back to livable state- in kind of that drunken fastidiously deliberate way that comes on when you're trying very hard not to break shit- scraping honey infused newspaper from the kitchen floor.

It was too hard. We were tired. We went to bed. Later Brian came home. No one locked the door.

Around I'm gonna guess 3 AM I woke up and saw the monkey man from next door in the doorway of the bedroom. (he was short, hairy and scary) I woke Spouse up and told him that monkey man was in the house. Then I fell asleep again. I woke up a few minutes later and monkey man was slowly crawling across the bedroom floor towards us. I woke Spouse and we whispered to eachother- all while monkey man kept coming towards us (what does he want? I dunno...). Finally Spouse said out loud, "What do you want?" Monkey man came to a dead stop and slowly crawled backwards out of the room. Then he left. I told Spouse to go lock the door. Then we slept again.

Always lock the door at night. Even in Missoula, MT- protosimian monkey men are waiting to enter and creepy crawl you. There is more to the monkey man story- I'll save it for later.