With all of the nostalgia running through my veins, I need to step away. Away from the discs of family photos. Because if I don't they will consume me.
Let me explain. I was an odd child- bet that's a major revelation!
I would spend hours at my grandmother's house going through her jewelry box, asking what things were, and where they came from. At my other grandmother's house, it was the photo albums, jewelry box, and curio cabinet. I know all the stories. More than my mother. Possibly more than my father. About the things. Always the things. And the photos. Always the photos. Who they are. Where it was. The weather.
Sadly I was too young to ask a few questions that have come up since then- like why are there no pictures of my grandparent's wedding? Why no pictures of my grandmother pregnant? (she did have several of these occurances) These events in this particular instance appear to have happened in a void. Among endless photo static. Very odd. Perhaps those photos did exist, and in her endless scrapbooking, she discarded them as unflattering. But I don't think so. I remember going through these photos when they were in boxes, loose. And prior to editing. And there was nothing. In drastic contrast to the other grandparents. Who documented the wedding and pregnancies, and childhoods of the kids, but not themselves later on. Those pictures come from a different, more difficult source. And I have them too. The negatives. The scans. I am the conduit. I share, of course- because I am like that. But I don't even need to see the scans to be reminded. They all exist- and I go through the shots one by one. And it eats me alive if I let it.
So I shan't. Time to dive into something else for the day. Bait and switch. It actually works sometimes. Distract myself with bright shiny things. And let the slide show return later.
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4 comments:
Honey, I know you get caught up on pictures of me on the more recent archives of family photos.. and that is what is really going on. I just wanted to let you know that is OK and I UNDERSTAND!! That's so important to know. Obsess all you need to, and know that I miss you too, just as much as you miss me.
Ok, bye. ;)
Your post inspired me to once again look through a pile of of my Dad's WWII correspondence that my Mother gave to me recently. What's most interesting are the letters to him from his M & P, as well as the family dog.
I think the connections we find through old images and words to our ancestors, and how close they are to our thinking process, usually surprises us all. As if they didn't have some of the same problems!
I wish I had letters. The dead remain silent in my moving pictures. And that makes me sad. They just keep up the parade, though. And I tend to have to ignore it, or get swept up. And I don't have the time right now for that.
i feel strangely disconnected from all of that.
it's quite disturbing; as if i am/was never part of the bloodline.
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