Once again

I find myself
in that place
buzzing, but not completely drunk
not on life, but on the real meal deal
not bad, but not completely there
because the edge has worn off
breaking the cardinal rule I set for myself
no blogging live when in this state
leads to regrettable secrets being stated out loud
and once spoken can never be taken back
even if I delete, someone, somewhere has cached it
to trot out on future occasions
to discredit and condemn.
Because uber alles, life amongst the hopelessly
narcissistic means that it's always all about them.
and never about me.
ditto me, by the way.
Narcissism as a hobby or career path.
your call.
I don't get to vote on that.
I just live with the results,
which should be comfortable enough as a member
of the American electorate without enough
money to buy my vote any real impact.
But what I meant to say before I got all distracted
has been lost along the way.
As I struggle to hit the right keys and say the right things.
And as I figure out where the thoughts went to that
seemed so profound and important and special
like the 14 year old boy who discovers
Led Zeppelin when he gets high the first time
and has a religious revelation
that he never fully recovers from
Thank God that didn't happen to me until I was 28.
Because I don't need to stay in that place forever
and can see the hilarity of being a 14 year old boy
trapped momentarily in the body of a 28 year old
female.
And like I said before, in this game, I get to be
the queen of narcisissm land. For right now.
I'll forget it tomorrow- when the Petite Syrah has
left the building. Through the pipes. Literally and figuratively.
And .......scene.....