Now before you get all harsh on me, just remember, I haven't devolved to the level of just putting a bunch of lists online. Things I hate. Things I love. Things I have never done, etc.
Just because I see that as the ultimate jumping the shark moment. And I don't want to do that quite yet. Surely it will happen. But hopefully in the blissfully distant future.
It has been a chore lately to get online and participate in my ongoing dialogue. Mainly because I have gotten sidetracked, and upstaged. I have also been coming down off of a 2 week adrenaline high that work inflicted on me. For the first weekend in a month I didn't bring home the computer. And I resolutely decided not to check my work email at all. And I'll just fucking live with the consequences.
Upshot- they really don't pay me to be that bloody vigilant. That's reserved for the FTEs (full time employees, to translate). And my time there grows ever shorter. And that's really ok. Because as much as I love what I'm doing, I can live without it. I did before. I drank the Koolaid, but haven't really gone all the way. Only to 3rd base. Is it really consummated without penetration? I didn't think so.
It's just a silly little dance. One step in that direction, deal with the resulting riposte. Then a firm step in another direction. No tentativeness required. Because they smell fear in the air. Then they bite, like feral little kitties. We don't need to enrage the machine. We don't need to put those ruby little drops of blood in the water. We don't want to see the shadows of the big fish with the bigger teeth circling overhead.
I just keep repeating, "there's no place like home," and clicking my ankles together. I lack sparkly shoes. I lack the requisite magic to make it all gel. I lack the hope and faith that keeps the dreams of LED lights that signify something perilous from taking over my sleep. Damned LED lights. The yellow one is particularly bad news. Don't ask, I can't tell.
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2 comments:
my problem is the missing two words. the "place" and "like." and so for me it's: "there's no home" "there's no home"
yellow LED lights. yes. terrible. just slightly better than the reds.
I think it's an eternal struggle- making a home. Look at Odysseus. All that trouble to find home. And when he got there, the story ends right quick. Bet you he about done died of boredom within 6 months. Just because the home of his memory wasn't as engaging as the home of reality.
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