There are a set of songs that I listen to sometimes,
and try to hear echoes of what he would have heard.
I try to imagine what the lyrics evoked
I try to imagine if he was comforted by them.
I am guessing that overall he was just stoned at the time,
and the songs sounded really good, man.
But I have hope that he was a little deeper than that.
I do know that he took things very much to heart.
That his life was determined and dictated by hurt.
That he was defined by low expectations, and little oversight.
That in the end, it was easier to slip away in the night than
to visit the pain and fix things.
Because fixing meant changing, and finding the strength wasn't
a choice he saw as viable.
But then again, that is no doubt me talking and interpreting.
Because he did slip away, and can't answer my questions
and accusations.
I get to carry them around.
And listen to the songs that I think might have had some meaning to him.