Do I buy in?

That's the $50 question du jour. Actually probably worth more, but that's what's in the budget.

You see, the conundrum is as follows: I have a job. I love said job. It is challenging, fun, and pays decently. Not a perfect job by any means. That doesn't exist. But good enough. Now for the tricky part. It is a contract position. And my contract ends in December. There is a very good likelihood of it being extended, or of being hired on. Nice, no? Well, there is something. I haven't fully clicked into the culture. I keep feeling a deep inner resistence to allowing this thing to fully take over my life. Like I see it doing to all of those around me. Dedicated doesn't begin to sum it up. Now I don't mind a crunch time now and then, but I do mind a crunch life. That ain't gonna cut it. And that's what I see everywhere around me. And I find it disturbing. Because I don't see the payoffs. Just the stress that keeps me awake. And keeps me angry whilst battling traffic- because my life is much more important than these idiots in the other cars. And I hate that. I hate thinking that this is the be all and end all. I know better. But it's so damned easy to get sucked in. Especially when I really like everyone else. I just get the sneaking suspicion that not every temp job is this bloody difficult- and not every temp worker is trying this fucking hard.

And then there's the possiblity of the bait and switch. If they do extend my contract, I can only get re-upped for one more 6 month stint. Then I would have to either be hired on full time, or be out. And I mean out. For 100 days. Away from the company. Which would really suck. Because I can't afford 3+ months unemployed again. I don't think that these people would willingly do this to me- but it could happen. Because there is plenty beyond their control in the world.

So, do I buy in? Or do I keep that little kernel of scepticism intact...and keep reminding myself- it's not for real. Smoke and mirrors. And probably not permanent, despite my desires, and the noise everyone else around me is making...

I just want to crawl back in bed and avoid the whole damned thing this morning....