What a time...

So the job probably ends tomorrow. Which is fine- rather than stage a colossal slow-down, it's time to put the baby to bed. I've been able to read about 10 chapters of a friend's manuscript on the clock, and apply for several jobs, arrange an interview, and do numerous other non-work related things on the clock, so I'm not complaining.

And then there's the anxiety and agony of decision time. So. I've basically tortured myself with indecision enough. I made a choice. It was difficult as hell. Didn't sleep much night before last. Didn't sleep much more last night. Tormented myself today. I will not be going to Penn State. Too bloody expensive, for one. The financial aid package didn't cover half of it. Too stressful to deal with a move. Don't want to cope with it so soon. Don't want to live apart from Kenga for 5 months while we wait for our lease here to play out (can't leave the deployed friend in the lurch and steal her cat...just can't). Don't want to deal with so very much stress at this point in my life. Not like that.

Fall back and punt position, then. Still waiting for Seattle U to make up their minds about the wait list. And then there's always next year if I need to try again.

So there. And after the decision was made, and the letter was sent, the very nice admissions lady called me. She was great. And I felt guilty as hell. But still- I made the decision based on what I really felt, and for all of the right reasons, and with all of the major players giving input that I considered fully. But I still had to torment myself a little more. Because making well-considered decisions based on logic, and not just on intuition isn't something I have a lot of practice at. I just sometimes wish that someone would just tell me what to do, so I could blame them if it goes awry. Or so that I wouldn't be burdened with this kind of process. But then I remember that I'm not 12. So I shut the hell up and do what I gots to do.