I'm casting about for a reason- why the hell I can't get out of bed in the morning?
Not depression. Not sad. Not tired, but so tired. Just want to keep dozing deeper and deeper and finally keep in bed. Long past the alarm. Just listening and drifting and having them tell me all of the good and bad news, all of the traffic and weather. All of everything, really. I catch myself drifting through things that interest me, pulling up short and realizing that I missed the middle part of the story.
Then getting out of bed. And trying to get started. Something is not quite right. Nothing deliberate enough to pin down exactly. And don't tell me I need a vacation. I just had a 3 week vacation. And it was sufficient.
On the weekend, it's drifting from sleep to nap to nap to sleep. Cyclical sleeping. And it's not the weather. Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy, but only for under 15 minutes. Otherwise it's a nasty burn followed by freckles and the melanoma fairy.
On the weekday, it's coffee, followed by going to work and more coffee. And then being just fine.
But once home, it's exhaustion again. I don't really want to live my life like this.
Am hoping that the personal trainer guy- who btw, was far too damned cute to know my actual weight (sigh), holds the key to the castle of health and welfare. The online prognosis is pretty good. No gloom and doom there, just hard work, and correction of excess. Budget what you love. And hope for energy in a bottle. Or a pill. Or just in the blood cells. Replacing ennui. I love throwing those words into everyday conversation- it makes them wonder. The chick who seems so very, very simple knows a few big words. And uses them. Gets them every time.
Fall back position- there is a plan in place if this doesn't work. But it's hard. And it's time consuming. And it costs lots of money that I don't pay, but I sign a contract with the devil, so to speak and commit to it. Better to find the strength hidden somewhere within- gotta be in there somewhere- there's plenty of room.
And enough speaking in riddles. The moral of the story- not going to work out in the morning. It'll have to be after work, then.
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2 comments:
yes!
agreed on the workout tip.
and?
no mornings for me, either.
directly after work, otherwise i lose memento. momentum? ennui sets in.
i laugh about it, but the gym has kept me sane.
it releases a crapload of stress and garbage and chemicals, blah blah blah.
whatever...it works for me.
and i'm the LAST person to recommend something like that.
but for me...it's been a lifesaver.
even made me sleep better.
instead of 3 hrs./night, i'm getting 5!!
and that's amazing.
i'm astounded.
good luck.
Mine Doktor has told me that he wants me to get into (or, back into) regular exercise as I am becoming an increasingly old fack, and though still somehow very healthy, I need to be annoyed on a regular basis, because I am simply too pleased with myself for the medical community to withstand.
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