Numbers 4 and 5- existential question of the day

Now how is it possible to take something in vain, or put something in front of something else if said something either might or might not exist?

In other words, if you are like me, and there is no leap of faith possible- despite numerous attempts over the years in different arenas where leaps of faith are necessary, how do you avoid breaking the two top tenants of well, faith? And why the hell worry in the first place? Just opt the hell out.

College boyfriend- did the bait and switch. Was a closet case fundamentalist. Thought it was fun to lure me in with the disguise of being normal. Then tried everything to convert me to his ...faith. Despite my protestations that there can be no original sin. It's all fabrication to cover some kind of zeitgeist of guilt. That sex can be fun and sin-free- because adultery cannot exist without being married. Aha, he said- but you're committing adultery against your future husband. Fait acompli, saith I. So why not compound the sin, as it's been committed. But forgiveness is possible, said he. How so? Do you know my future husband already, and he's forgiven? By God. Whatever. Who the hell asked him to enter into the discussion. This is a private affair, so to speak, between me and the man of my dreams. Who wouldn't mind a little ...water under that particular bridge, if you catch my drift- because I am the sum of my experience. And tell me, have you ever been experienced? Well I have. And that's not something that is negotiable.

And there you have it. Get my drift. Enjoy the show. Move on, folks. Nothing more to see here. And see, I lie again. Plenty more where that came from. Just don't expect faith to draw miracles down in sheets like heavy rain. Or hail would be more like it. Because I suspect that miracles leave tiny pebble-shaped bruises in their wake. Because miracles have to have an aftermath. They just have to.