Since there are a proliferation of rules books on the shelves, I figure I can add to the fray. Just because I have a few opinions, which should be quite a revelation to all.

1. Never, never, never name your food. Do you hear me 4-Hers???? It is an extremely bad idea. Those animals are not pets. Don't do it. You will regret it. The whole thing will end in tears.

2. If you decide to drive in the state of WA, please remember that the left lane is for passing only. Even if you are going the speed limit. Get your crappy ass over to the right. And keep your smug to yourself. It incites rage, and will also end in tears.

3. Wear sunblock. I have had melanoma. It scared the crap out of me. I have a 4" long scar on my left shoulder. It will remain with me forever. It is where the tiny little mole became a problem. I look at all of my moles now with a combination of fear and respect. I do not wish this upon anyone. Wear sunblock.

4. If you are on a diet, chain restaurants are a bad idea. For the most part they will not post the caloric values of their food. They are not your friend. They don't mind if you get fat. They certainly don't mind if you order more. TGIFridays, I am talking to you. Ditto Chilis and Applebees. Plus, their food is crappy and full of additives. There is likely a local place that would make a good alternative. Use your imagination.

5. Don't leave food on your deck for your pets or the squirrels. It attracts raccoons. They have thumbs. They are really rather evil. We have one who we now call Nooner who shuffles across our deck around noon daily looking for peanuts. Because someone in the house thought that the squirrels needed them. And always wanted a pet squirrel. I think that someone in the house secretly wishes he was Veruka Salt. From the last Wonka movie. Only without the Mary Jane's.

6. Pirates no doubt smelled bad. And had bad oral hygiene, resulting in lowered lifetime expectancy. And I suspect that they were all a bunch of barely functioning alcoholics, who probably had more than their fare share of blackouts and drunken sex with very unsavory characters. And no, I doubt seriously that they looked anything like Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp. Get over it. You do not want to be a pirate. Ever try crapping over the side of a boat? Bet you have to have really good balance.

7. Beer should have a flavor. If it doesn't it is not worth ingesting. Even on a hot day. Drink water, the caloric intake will make your metabolism happier.

8. Nasty tattoos of hearts, flowers, the Tasmanian devil, unicorns and other sundry things should never happen on your chest. You will regret it. Go to your local VFW and take a good look at the ink on those guys. Then think about what you are planning on doing. And visualize 30 or so years from now. Just do it. If it still seems like a good idea, well, you are an idiot. Stop reading and go away. I wash my hands of you.

9. People in the money industry are typically greedy and love money. Don't be surprised if this causes financial shenanigans and scandals. Common sense says it is typical.

10. Keep your kitchen and your bathroom spotless. If any of these smell, you are a pig, and probably make yourself sick from food/fecal contamination on a regular basis. Those "smell reducing" sprays would be unnecessary if you just got off of your lazy ass and took out the garbage.

And that is all for tonight. Couldn't sleep so decided that it would be a great idea to spew venom onto the web for all and sundry. Why the hell not? If a chucklehead like Rush can do it on the airwaves, at least I know that the functionally literate will have access to my overwrought opinions. Heh.