From The Corsair

This is funny stuff, folks. The FUTURE KING OF ENGLAND whines about a little press attention- how exactly does he plan on dealing with being the ACTUAL King of England? Does he think people will be content to just leave him alone when in the midst of a fit of pique? Oy.

Granted, there's no earthly reason for Prince Charles to love the press. They blasted his son on his quixotic decision to wear a Nazi uniform to a dubiously named "Natives and Colonials" soiree (Averted Gaze). The media has been merciless in their coverage of his betrothed. But try, Prince Charles ... really tax yourself not to lend voice to your utter media disgust by sprouting what can only be properly construed as "free-verse" while near an live mic. According to the Sun:

"THE PRINCE of Wales's contempt for the press was made abundantly clear today when the grumpy groom-to-be faced the cameras just a week before his wedding.

"During the brief five-minute media event in the village of Monbiel, on the outskirts of Klosters, Charles looked uncomfortable as he was asked by BBC TV reporter Nicholas Witchell about his feelings in the run-up to his wedding.

"'I'm very glad you have heard of it,' the Prince said.

"But he also uttered: 'Bloody people. I can't bear that man anyway. He's so awful, he really is.'
Charles added: 'I hate these people.'"

Exercise your inner bitch, Charles.

(Wow. Sure glad he's got SUCH an admirable stiff upper lip kind of attitude- must make his mother proud...)

Now this is FUNNY!

I was on the Howard Stern website (pre-shower- I'm all cleaned up now) and saw the following:

HOWARD "BEATS" INSOMNIA

Howard didn't sleep well last night. His tooth was hurting again and it woke him up around 2AM. He decided that eating a bowl of shredded wheat would put him to sleep, but that didn't work so he read a magazine. By 3 am, he was still up so he broke out the big guns and decided to take matters into his own hands. He felt that if he didn't get sleep, the show would suffer and he'd be miserable. He knew he had to pleasure himself. Howard said it only took a few seconds, and he's glad because if Beth woke up and saw him doing that in his bathroom, she probably would have freaked out and thought he was a big perv. He finished, did some things to let the euphoria wear off, and hopped into bed and slept like a baby. After last night's ordeal, he's sure he's grinding his teeth now and said his dentist is making him a custom mouth guard to prevent him from grinding.

(Now did will this really prevent Howard from "grinding"??)

Sorry- I really couldn't stop myself. It's just too much for me to take- that nasty Howard Stern...God....I need a job....

As Darrin says- cats make shitty personal trainers. Here is Timmy working out- we are starting to call him Pooter Pig- as he is communicating using a sophisticated system of grunts and groans...it's sad, really.

Palette cleanser after the MJ story- this is from Michael Schumacher's sports bar at the Karting track in Germany. Ohhh yeah. What I wanna know is if I go there, will he be there too? (and I mean that in only the non-creepiest, most non-stalking kind of way, of course)

OMG- She did NOT say that!!!

Wow- this is probably the stupidest woman in the world. Really. No hope. Not only wasn't she watching the train wreck a comin- but she had no access to tv, the news, or any other form of media. Wow. Elvis would be so proud.

From MSN.com

NEW YORK -- So what does Lisa Marie Presley think about her marriage to Michael Jackson way back when? "Holy mother of God" was her response on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" on Monday.

Presley told Winfrey she was naive when she met Jackson and that he snowed her over and she wanted to help him with his problems.

"At that time, the way that he did that looped me into, 'Oh my God, you poor misunderstood soul, I feel really bad for you,'" the 37-year-old singer said.

She said Jackson tried to ease her fears that he was weird.

"He went very much out of his way to deprogram me of any previous ideas I might have had of him. He sat me down and said, 'I know you think this and I know you think that.' He was completely normal."

Presley and Jackson were married from 1994 to 1996. Some have openly questioned the nature of their relationship, but Presley says the marriage was real and she truly did love Jackson.

"Do you think he loved you?" Winfrey asked Presley.

"It's hard for me to answer that question. I don't know the answer to that, to be honest with you," Presley said.

"Do you think that he loved you as much as he could?" Winfrey asked.

"Yes, as much as he was capable of loving somebody," Presley said.

Winfrey then dug a little deeper, prompting her guest to squirm.

"Do you think he used you?" Winfrey asked.

"This seat is hot, let me tell you!" Presley answered. "Do I think he did? All signs point to yes on that. I can't answer for him."

It's all about spring- renewal- new life- proms n' promises. In that order. Only promise to your prom date. Or it doesn't count?...If you saw my prom date- shudder...

And now new good news

I am officially an aunt. For the first time in my life. Spouse's lovely sister had a tiny little baby yesterday evening. Well, I suppose she didn't think it was so tiny as it agressively pushed itself out of her nether regions. But she is, in fact tiny. Smaller than my cats. Smaller than a breadbasket.

We're hoping to visit soon. But until then, a cheery and hearty Hello little girl!!! Is in order. We're gonna be the BEST aunt and uncle ever. I spent a lot of time growing up with my aunts and uncles- they had big impact. Good and bad. Not the time or place for analysis- but they are important. And it's quite a responsiblity. I take it seriously. It will be good.

So without a blog

Yesterday was sadly blog free. The blogger interface was all mucked up- so I was voiceless. It was truly tragic. What did I want to say, you ask? Well- I dunno- I forget now. It's all smoke and mirrors here, folks. And bright shiny things distract me. Like that little box with the pictures in it that sits in the living room- fascinating.

Oh yeah- yesterday was Tuesday. And I read somthing interesting out in blog land. And then since I didn't process it via my blog, I forgot all about it. So does this indicate the relative importance of this medium? Is it all forgetable? Possibly. I'm gonna say sure. But whatever. It's all about the fun (not the O).

Good things coming down the line this week- F1 in Bahrain. Yeah. And I wanna see my Michael do something with that bold hunk of car. Not just suck it up. I want him to make me forget the fiasco that has been the season for Ferrarri so far. Tall order, you say- not for my Michael. He was born for this. And to quote Kiss (I promise- won't do it again- I feel sullied even doing it this once) I was made for lovin you baby, you were made for lovin me! (does anyone else remember their one disco hit??? Really- it happened. It was AWESOME!!!)

Another thing to look forward to- another week down on the MJ trial. It makes me have a headache. Stoopid trial.

And as good things come in threes- I'll be having dinner soon with some wonderful friends. They make me happy. When skies are grey- like usual in Seattle.

So tie it all up in a pretty bow, and make it a happy thing. Bright shiny and sparkly. And distracting (see above- me and shiny things, etc.).

Something new

The quote at the top is from a movie. I'll be changing it tomorrow to another one from the same movie. Your challenge- guess the movie! And Spouse is excluded from the quiz- he blew his chances already (stumped, suckah!). And Spouse- don't even think of anon posting- that would be cheating. And nothing is worse than cheating on your wife's blog.

About the movie- think formative years. Think when first viewed- wow- shattering- kinda stupid- best movie ever for about 3 weeks. And that's enough hinting for now. Have fun!

Blogger be down

and life isn't quite the same. I'll post more when it's up and running properly. The bastards!!! (like I should be bitching- it's free!)

Titter, titter

From Gawker:

Break, Blow, Burn
By Camille Paglia
Reviewed by Clive James

We basically zone out during any discussion of poetry, and our eyes certainly did that thing where they sort of close, but not all the way, during Clive James’s review of Camille Paglia’s poetry anthology “Break, Blow, Burn” — until we got to the part where James Google-searched Paglia for half an hour:

And what is Paglia doing, writing that an actress as gifted as Anne Heche has “the mental depth of a pancake?” How many pancake brains could do what Heche did with David Mamet’s dialogue in “Wag the Dog?” And what about her performance in “One Kill?” No doubt Heche has been stuck with a few bad gigs, but Paglia, of all people, must be well aware that being an actress is not the same safe ride as being the tenured university professor of humanities and media studies at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia.

First off, did Clive James just spend 17 lines discussing Anne Heche in a review of a poetry anthology? Secondly, did Clive James just backhandedly compare Camille Paglia to Anne Heche? Thirdly, was Paglia just “served”? Fourthly, is it now “on”? And Fifthly, who should be more offended - Paglia or Heche?

(For those who don't know- Paglia is a pain in my ass- that woman....harumph.)

Nothin sadder than a spelling-challenged garag sale in the rain. On Easter Sunday.

Criterion Collection- they RULE!

Ok- maybe some effect on dreaming

On TCM last night they showed La Passion de Jeanne d'Arc. The silent 1928 version- French. It was profoundly moving. I have rarely had such a response to silent films- despite my growing admiration for the form. This one was a humdinger.

The director did some interesting things- filming without any panoramic shots (take THAT Mr. DeMille), mainly close-ups from below. Lots of spartan costumes and interiors- no makeup (according to the host this was for reality sake)- and no regard for vanity. It was rough going. Probably the most psychologically naked movie I've seen in a very long time. I couldn't watch part of it (having to do with bleeding Joan). I am squeamish (I've never made it through Blue Velvet despite my admiration for David Lynch). But this was something else again.

But there were no raccoons. Thus I can't draw a direct correlation...

Of dead raccoons and kings

All right all of you armchair analysts out there- get ready! Today we discuss my veddy veddy strange dream.

I was being driven to my Dad's house (the one I grew up in, not the one he lives in now). It is early morning. We drive by a house with a large black bear in the front yard eating garbage. I point it out to the driver and we continue. The next house has a mother springer spaniel with puppies sleeping on a concrete slab.

Then horror of horrors we arrive at Dad's house. There are piles and piles of dead and bloated raccoon corpses in the yard. We turn the corner and the piles are stretched all along the corner lot. I am not pleased. There is no smell, thankfully- but there seems to have been raccoonamageddon. Some kind of infestation? I have to go in- she stops the car. The mailbox is overflowing with CDs that my Step-mother has ordered. I take an armful of them and go towards the house.

Disturbing, yes. Monday morning with raccoons? Please. Did I eat anything odd before retiring for the night? Only half of a piece of chocolate cake (yes, it was delicious, thank you.). Did I imbibe- not on a school night. Well. Any suggestions would be appreciated. And, yes, I like raccoons. They are cute- not cuddly- and yes, they are vermin- but I tend to be among the let them live folk. I've never shot one. And I avert my gaze when I see them dead on the highway.

Today's theme is driving. In the sunshine- and like all magical thinking, perhaps my wishing will make it happen!

Head's up!

Now that the showcases are in storage, and that particular joy ride is over I'm going to have to hit the job search in earnest. So...here's the warning. If you have contacts that might prove useful for me finding a decent job in the Seattle area, and if I know about them, I'll be asking for networking info. It is time. And Spouse will thank you for getting me out of the house and earning my keep! He has been wonderful, but I know that he will be much less stressed if we have two incomes. And we can also look at getting an apartment in the city itself. Yes, I have been posing as a Seattlite- but that's all it is. A pose. I am in reality a suburban stay-at-home wife. How cliche, but true. We aim to move up in the world. It's our oyster and we'll take no prisoners! If we can make it there, we can make it anywhere! Ahem....anyway- girl has to find a job.

Cat in a box

So I picked up Elsa in her box yesterday. The vet does a nice job of presentation- nice little wooden box with a shimmery ribbon on it- I am impressed. In Arizona with the last cat we had cremated we paid $50 more and received a cardboard box. These guys have it down. And I certainly appreciate the gesture. It has been a hard week in a way- but I'm glad that the end came so quickly- she wasn't the kind of cat to put up with a long, drawn-out illness. And I knew that when she lost her angry little attitude, it wouldn't be long. Elsa without attitude wasn't good. She now sits on the desk next to the computer moniter- she used to sit on my lap every morning while I blogged, read and wasted time. Now she'll inspire us to acts of greatness and ire. That's the Stinky way!

Cue up Randy Newman's Cars- Here in my car, I feel safest of all- you can lock all the doors- it's the only way to live- in cars...

Stoopid rain

Yeah- I'm not supposed to complain. Stupid rainy mc rain rain. We're supposedly in some kind of "drought", and it's a "good" thing. Whatever. I was planning to go to the arboretum today. Fucking rain.